Weightlifting, Weightdropping

I Cannot Give Kaiser Permamente A Big Enough Middle Finger

2009-11-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

So, walking twice a day didn't lose me one gaddam pound. Two weeks,... okay, one gaddam pounds, but that isn't enough. I was told that stress will do that to you, make you retain your weight. Stress also made all the gaddam symptoms the doctor was asking me about appear.

So, I go to the specialist. I explain the work situation, and she seems to understand saying, "We need to expedite this." She tells me that my heart rate isn't high enough. (????) Then, she mentions that she could put me on a treadmill for 20 min. but instead puts me on a heart monitor for 24 hrs. straight. (I had better not find out that we could have gotten in 20 min. what she made me take 24 hrs. to get. Then again, nevermind, as you'll see.)

So, I leave her office, and go to an intermediary office. They send me back to the front office. The front office says, "We cannot hook it up today, because there would be nobody here tomorrow to read it." (Can't I just turn it in? I have to go out of town Saturday.) That's the problem. The doctor gets it, but then you're at the mercy of secretaries. I think, overall, they do not consider the differences between choices. It's all the same to them. Come back extra times, jump through extra hoops. At this point, I'm leaving them.

So, I turn in my monitor, and despite the fact that my doctor says, "If you do not get a reading w/in 24 hours, call me," it does no good. I call, and they say, "We've read it, but we have not put it into the computer yet." So, hollow placation from Dr. Dingbat.

When they put the heart monitor on me, they said, "Okay, your heart rate isn't raising." Then, she mentions, "pacemaker." Screw that. I'm out of there. Now, I have these pills. They're supposed to regulate my heart rate and train it to beat evenly. In our last call, the doctor was going to extend our relationship another week, and I had to, once again, hold her hand, and redirect the conversation to my work card.

I'm back at work now. Going to go back and get more bloodwork done. Then, I'm going to have those results transferred to my new doctor.

Kaiser Permamente, where YOU are your own doctor.

My Current Situation

2009-10-14T21:07:00.001-07:00

Bleh...

Didn't think this would happen to me. Especially after having such a
successful '08 with the weight loss and exercise. For my job, every two
years, I have a physical to see if I'm fit enough to sit all day. This
time, I had actually had passed my physical. Even my blood pressure was
fine, when it was high about the year previous. Problem was, the doctor
had left me in a gown, alone in a room for about a half hour "because
they were backed up." When I thought we were finished, I just wanted out
of there, so I wasn't really paying attention to his questions. He found
an irregular heartbeat, which I knew about, but really, this tool just
left me in a room alone in a gown for 30 minutes. I just wanted out.
When he asked, "Has anyone ever spoken to you about this before," I said
no, when I should have said yes. He took an EKG, and found an irregular
heartbeat and some background noise he called "aortic fibrulation"

He refused to sign my medical card.

I had never not passed a physical before, and just a year previous, I
lost more weight in one year than I had my entire life previously. How
could this happen? I only had one week before my medical card expired. I
thought that I could go to my doctor, and override the first doctor.
Nope. I was off the job that second. Went to my doctor. He found the
same thing. Could not sign me back to work. Now, I have to wait until I
can get a echo cardiogram and THEN see a specialist. That will be 2 1/2
weeks.

I'm not okay with this. I'm REALLY not okay with this. As many of the
cholesterol lowering foods that I eat off that gaddam list, I should NOT
have a problem with cholesterol. (Did I mention that? I'm on those meds
now, too.) I take an aspirin every morning. I have to lose weight, but I
am forbidden to do strenuous exercise. No one will tell me that this
problem can be solved. Oh, and once you leave the gaddam doctor's
office, don't think you get to speak directly to a doctor again w/o and
appt. I needed something for work, and the first time, I had to speak
through a nurse twice, and the second time, I had to speak through a
receptionist who spoke through a nurse. Remember what a failure the game
"telephone" is?

I wouldn't mind having the problems if I wasn't being kept in the dark
or people were not being so careful NOT to give me hope. Also, I would
not question the integrity of all involved if they put me through this
on my own time, not on the job clock. Yea, seems that someone noted this
aortic thing back in '05, but thought it wasn't worth bringing up.

You can't tell by talking to me, but I'm not okay with this.

In psychology, they say that you are only as strong as your support
system. Key members of that system seemed to have disappeared recently.
I spend a lot of time thinking about this on my own, or distracting
myself from thinking about it. I walk twice a day. Doesn't mean it's
going to solve a problem that wasn't solved by losing 50 gaddam pounds.

I'm really not okay with this.

'09 Recap

2009-08-27T00:04:00.001-07:00

It's been almost a year since I last wrote in this blog. The reason? As
far as weightlifting or weightdropping, nothing noteworthy has happened
in 2009. I've kept my dietary habits (mostly). I've maintained my lower
weight (mostly). What I have lost is my great exercise routine. I was
doing so great. In the past couple of weeks, I got back to doing
something several times a week. Before that, maybe once or twice every
two weeks. Part of that is not my fault. Announcing went through the
roof with my working for five leagues, plus tournaments. I should have
been able to work out more, but the work involved became overwhelming.
Even if I had time, all I wanted to do was sit, and diffuse, letting the
blah run out my ears while I did something on the level of watching
cartoons.

I can do it. I just have to adjust to the new routine. Like juggling
four balls instead of two. Gotta see things needing to be done farther
in advance, and moving to do them sooner. Some days, even though I had
time, I was so tired, that while I was awake, I wasn't really there.
Now, I'm adding to that schedule. On the other hand, fewer road trips
should help even things out. It doesn't help that all the motivation has
to come from me. Sometimes, you just don't have anything left.

So, I want to get back into it. I want to continue losing weight. At
least commit to some kind of cardio everyday. Haven't even touched my
scale. It's disguised as a pile of clothing.

Quick Food Facts for a Neglected Blog

2008-11-08T13:34:00.000-08:00

EGGS -- builds muscle, burns fat.
TURKEY AND LEAN MEATS -- builds muscle, strengthens immune system, holds seasonings. Also, IT'S MEAT.
PEANUT BUTTER -- boosts testosterone, builds muscle, burns fat, spreads on body parts and IT'S ALSO PEANUT BUTTER.
ALMONDS -- builds muscles, reduces cravings, tastes frickin' awesome. Word.
BEANS AND LEGUMES -- builds muscles, helps burn fat, regulates digestion, but has a funky name.
GREEN LEAFY VEGGIES -- neutralizes free radicals ... WTF?
DAIRY OR ITS SUBSTITUTES -- builds strong bones, speeds up weight loss. (also makes you crave food from its sugars and carbs. Be careful on this one)
OATMEAL -- boosts energy, reduces cholesterol, maintains blood sugar
OLIVE OIL -- lowers cholesterol, boosts immune system, makes you EXTRA Italian.
WHOLE GRAINS -- prevents body from storing fat. (We're gonna need a bigger grain. Wait, doesn't beer have "whole grains"?)
EXTRA PROTEIN -- builds muscle, burns fat (In other words, "Does protein stuff.")
BERRIES -- protects heart; improves balance, eyesight and coordination.

From "Sports Nutrition -- A Hardcore Diet" by Ramb0 Samb0. Published in Issue 8, Blood and Thunder

Three Beer Lunches

2008-08-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

I forgot about that part of the previous blog. You see, I hit 50 lbs. quickly, and sat there, stuck for a month. What was worse, I was going to the gym up to six times a week, and my damn weight wasn't budging. So, I met a friend downtown for three days, and each day, we went and had beer lunches. Those beers were 20 oz., so they were jumbo pints. These, on top of heavy lunches, should have ruined my good work.

Turns out, my good work was ruining my good work.

Within three days of gaining two pounds, my wrecking ball theory worked again. I reached my goal... the damn day I was going to Vegas.

*bow*

50 Spent

2008-08-08T18:15:00.001-07:00

This is the nickname my friend gave me when I told her that I reached my goal.
I think that I am going to linger at this weight for a while.

GOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL..... (or, Three Beer Lunches)

2008-08-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

I'm a little overdue for this blog, especially since I have reached my year-end goal of 52 pounds, and five months early. As my world works, I achieved my goal THE GADDAM DAY I WAS LEAVING FOR FIVE DAYS IN VEGAS!

Christ, how fair is that? Anyway, still counts. Turns out, I was not that hungry while in Vegas. I think I had two meals at most, and the rest of the time, packed diet snacks. Also, I have become such a lightweight, that the two CostCo bottles of liquor are hardly touched. The gin is 1/3 of the way down while the vodka might be 1/4. I might have gained two pounds while there. (When I told my friend that I reached my goal, he talked about gaining two pounds. There has not been one day of this diet where I was one weight the entire day. The weights I report are the lowest points of my day, and trust me, as often as I step upon that scale, I have researched it. Heck, my range for most days is seven pounds. I do not think you could tell if you have actually gained weight, or if it is just the day's fluctuation.)

Back to those jumbo liquor bottles. I have found out that their weight and their hand holds are perfect for hand weights in working out your shoulders. Yes, I squat and military these things over and over again. they fit so well over my four fingers, that I do not even need to make a fist. The bottle just hangs over the back of my hand. (My latest series of aerobics weights class have let me know that my shoulders have not come along with the rest of my body. Cosmetically, I think shoulders would be a good thing. Plus, you really want balance. You do not want your body working at one level, and one day, you find some odd chore that makes you cry.)

Unfortunately, the reward for doing a good workout would make less of a workout the next time.

Year-end Goaaaaaaalllllll

2008-07-06T17:09:00.001-07:00

We're doing 52 pounds in 52 weeks. I have 5 3/4 months to lose five pounds.

All of you, drive to my house and high-five me RIGHT NOW!

40 Lbs. To Freedom

2008-07-06T16:42:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have posted. At the point that I am at, I think it is just redundant to post about every little pound. I was down 47 pounds before this 4th of July weekend, so right now, I'm about 43 down. No biggie. I find that pounds gained on cheat weekends are probationary, the same way freshly lost pounds are.

I am so far down, that the clothing I mentioned earlier that I bought for the smaller me is now falling off. People that have not seen me for a while credit my goatee for looking so good, saying, "You didn't have that before, right"? (I did. It just covered another chin.) Also, I say that pounds are probationary, but let me tell you, I was STUCK-STUCK-STUCK at the 40 lb. mark. The problem was that I needed to go two weeks without breaking the diet, and each weekend was a bar night or a meal night. Now, I never pigged out, but I had to go almost pure. I had to explain about 100 times why I could accept whatever, but Saturday night, one light beer. Sunday night, a half a beer. Monday morning, 40 lb. barrier broken.

Now that I am almost a half a century lighter, I find that fitness is easier to start. Last week, because I was finishing my first half of my split shift so early, that I could attend a different class everyday at 8:30 am. Some I'm better at, some worse, but just to keep it switched up, and keep me sweating. Plus, it's something to focus on, besides being the only guy in the class.

The other night, I started my 4th weekend a little early. The happy hour on Thursday was a mile and a half away, so I walked it. Now, that mile and a half is all downhill there, and all uphill back.

I not as thin as I deserve to be.

Sixteen Week Final

2008-05-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

Well, look at that last entry. I've been out of it, at least where writing is concerned. My list of excuses are...

1. 45 hours of work per week for over a month now. Sometimes, despite best intentions, it's nap time.
2. Fighting a cold during this work schedule. More naps.
3. Last year, I became an announcer for women's roller derby. We went from one bout a month, with one team that I was familiar with to four bouts a month with four teams I had never met. A lot of the time, I am here, but I am practicing punny names.
4. Computeric wastes of time. I'd be lying if I did not mention these. (I'm not even including the porn.)
5. New car! Okay, talk about a world of homework. I'm writing on my other blog, iwillmissyouwheniamfamous.blogspot.com about the car shopping experience, because I think everybody, like this one, can benefit from the information.
6. Going out. Suddenly, I have two month of social events in which to attend.

So, life happens. I type on.

By the time it was party time, I had lost 28 of the 16 lbs. Near the end, I was shooting for 32 lbs. in 16 weeks, but at the same time, I was ready for a break from the scale. Not from the diet per se, but from the constant checking and obsessing. The day was great. Just before I went to the party, I realized that I had just renewed my driver's license, and the picture was from two weeks before I began. I carried that around the party to show the difference. It was fun getting the "Oh wow's." It was funner carrying around a license to eat and drink my ass off.

Someone made 3 cheese garlic bread, and someone else's extra bbq sauced baked beans on top were the best things there. (Next to MORE BEER.) It was great just not counting.

It took until Wednesday to lose the weight that I gained at that party. Then, I lost a little more, and broke the 30 lb. mark. While 20 lbs. is a good chunk of weight to lose, I LIKE SAYING "THIRTY." After that, I took a couple of weeks off, mostly to finish stuff I had in the freezer like wheat bread and cheese. Even wheat bread prevented me from losing weight. I maintained, and only ate two slices a day. After that, I caught a cold, and so it wasn't until this week until I dipped below thirty.

The new goal is 52 lbs. in 52 weeks. Stay tuned.

Tune Up

2008-04-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of last week, I called my friend and said, "I don't know why I haven't lost any weight in three weeks. I'm still eating healthy."
"Tell me what you are eating and how much," she said.

So I did, and when I got to my granola/chocolate whey protein combo, she said, "How much granola are you eating? There's a lot of fat in granola. Are you eating one half cup"?
"Yes," I said, so obviously lying that I meant to get caught.

She asked me about wheat wraps, and I told her that the wheat bread has the exact same amount of fat as the wraps do, but then she says, "Yea, but what about the carbs?" Crap! I forgot about those.

So, after that phone call ended, I got a one-half measuring cup, scooped out some granola, and starred at it. I was picturing how much I actually have, and whispered "Oh... shit..."

It's not like I have an enormous bowl of the stuff, but do you have any idea how little 1/2 cup is? So, I stop eating that, I put the cheese back into the freezer, as well as the wheat bread.

Last week, I lost about six pounds. It seems that while you can eat some stuff to maintain your weight, you cannot eat that food to lose weight. I owe a big thanks to my friend, Anitra for opening my eyes to a needed tune-up to my diet. What worked in January now needed to be updated for my new weight.

I do not know what weight would be good to go clothes shopping, but I promised that I would take Anitra with me. That's fine. Whenever I get compliments on my clothing, it's something that a woman picked out.

Reverse Gut'ology

2008-04-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, just like in Black Jack, if your system isn't working, change it up.

Did you know that M&M's makes a new wild cherry flavor? Man, they're good. I can't eat them like I want to (pouring out of a dump truck), so I have been giving bags away as gifts (to a dump truck operator).

The Wal-mart in New Orleans sells this awesome coffee named after the 24 hour cafe that serves it, Cafe Du Monde. It is THERE and I want it HERE.

THERE!
HERE!

Now, why don't I just order it from the company itself? Well, because Wal-mart sells it for almost half off, and from what their website says "site-to-store" shipping is free. You have something at one store, and someone wants it at another store. Is this new age thinking? So far, Wal-mart online says that they do not "do food." Oh frickin' kay, then why do I see seven different gift baskets ALL WITH COFFEE available for purchase online?

My next move is to try at my local store and see if they know the magic words to get something from THERE!... over to... HERE! So far, customer service has told me to see the food manager, "but he won't be here until tomorrow," and that day, "Oh, he won't be in til' Friday."

It's not going to work. I'm going to end up paying almost double, plus shipping. I had a friend that said he knew someone out there that could just go get it, but suddenly, that conversation "has never existed." (That is for another blog.)

Aww, c'mon.

2008-04-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

One pound? ONE FRICKIN' POUND? Crikey, this is getting old. To hell with it. I'm eating this weekend. As much as I'm not eating, not drinking, and not 4th mealin', that damn scale owes me! You know what that one pound was? A bone! A one-pound bone. I don't need a one pound bone. I need a ten-pound bone.

Crikey!

Three Dammit Salute

2008-03-28T16:12:00.001-07:00

You have not heard from me, because I have heard nothing from my scale. I have been in a holding pattern, despite upping my workout routine. I think what I am going to have to do is go over my diet, and see how I can cut out something or partition my meals into more snacks. For example, I reduced my breakfast sandwich from two pieces of cheese to one. *sniff*

April 26th is the official weigh-in day. I am concerned that Bill's scale will be different from mine. [re: A FRICKIN' LIAR]. Also, I have discovered that my clothing weighs 5 lbs. I discovered this, because I almost went into shock the one night I didn't weigh myself in my underwear. (Boxer briefs. Hmmm... I wonder if tighty whities weigh less.)

SO, I am going to HAVE to strip down at the party.

Maybe if I eat wheat pasta with garlic powder.

Fat 1g
Sat. Fat 0g
Trans Fat 0g

Cholesterol 0mg
Sodium 0mg
Carbs 42g
Fiber 6g (24% of daily req.)
PROTEIN 6g

Iron 10%
Riboflavin 15%
Thiamin 35%
Niacin 20%
Folic Acid 30%

THAT is wheat pasta. While it does not everything, it is, in my book, a complete and healthy meal all in itself. It really is great stuff.

More to come.

Nothing But Hope

2008-03-10T21:29:00.001-07:00

Okay, it's been a week, and not much has happened. Last weekend was a fairly bad one. I maintained, but that's about it. Tonight, I am at my goal weight, so hopefully, I'll see a brand new low.

Don't Even Ask

2008-03-02T20:03:00.000-08:00

No, I am not at my all time low. I was, and getting back to my three healthy snacks in addition to meals helped. In fact, I was breaking my breakfast down into two more snacks, torturing and agitating my metabolism like I had it at Guantanamo Bay. I was letting that sucker sleep for a minute last week, and I will get back to that tomorrow morning. After all, I still have two months and only a couple of nighttime pounds to go. (Already seen the numbers in AM, which we know isn't a final in the Always Hard On Yourself Olympics.)

What I really like about this diet is that I have always said that I ate what I ate and drank what I drank to get myself to this point, and if I really wanted to, I could reverse it. I said that time and time again, but there was that fear that the damage was permenant. This is due to all the stories you hear about all of these people that have tried an endless number of diets only to fail, or take some fat off only to put it back on again.

This past weekend, I had one night of drinking, a second night of some drinks, and two late night meals. On the other hand, I had all days of only healthy snacks without an actual meal, a three mile hike everyday, and a Sunday of healthy eating. Today, the scale is up 4 lbs. from the past several days, but so is the metabolism, and by tomorrow, I should start seeing good numbers again.

I'll Kill It in the Morning

2008-02-26T05:07:00.000-08:00

Last night, I got on the scale, and saw the same number I always do. I was getting tired of that number. As the frustration was building, what occurred to me was the time. It was not morning, when I usually see that number, it was evening. God damn evening. That number has only made an appearance in the morning, when I am at my lightest. For me, there is a four to five pound difference between when I go to bed and when I wake up.

At that point, I couldn't wait to wake up. Finally, I was going to kill my goal. I wake up, and what do I see? Yea, one pound over my goal.

DAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIT! @#$%@#!!!

Okay, so this thing isn't going to go away quietly. I am right there. Last weekend, I was good, and the worst thing I had was one drink at an after party. (My favorite bartender looked truly hurt, like she lost an old friend.) I guess that I am going to have to choke this thing like Leia did Jabba in "Return of the Jedi." Too big to get my hands, or even my arms, around its neck, I am going to have to take a chain, and ride it until it dies. (Look at those last two sentences. Am I on a diet or in a prison movie?)

My latest tactic is to not have meals when I can have snacks. I'm trying to break my meals down to six or seven very small ones a day, and make sure each of them involve some kind of protein. (That does it. Time for a therapist.)

She Gluttons Me, She Gluttons Me Not

2008-02-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

This week, my weight has plateaued TWO FRICKIN' POUNDS above my goal. Dammit, dammit, dammit. I was reading one of Randy's nutrition papers. Remember that "three snacks a day" thing? It seems that I am supposed to eat three snacks a day, "whether I want them or not."

Wait. You're saying that I'm not losing weight, cause I'm not EATING ENOUGH? Jezzus. Also, each of those snacks must have some protein in them. I thought I was doing good, not wanting as much food.

WELL, A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO.

Protein powder on Cheetoes.
Protein powder on cookie dough.
Protein powder in a glass of wine.

My Scale Is An Asshole

2008-02-16T22:06:00.001-08:00

Or, how about "Hey, scale! You suck!"? Or, "ARRGH!"

It seems that the day after I hit my low, like last time, the number jumped up about nine pounds. After this happened last time, I was less angry than I was before. That urge to throw furniture had gone, and only left me with your average rage and frustration.

Determined to beat this quickly, for the past two days, I've done a three mile hike. Today, the number is back down to 2 lbs. over my goal. I think to be at my goal, I'm going to have to reach a point of seven pounds under it.

What I want to do the next time my weight does a spike like that is to get some air, and land on that smartass scale's glass top with both feet. Sucker can go from a scale measuring pounds to a rector scale.

One thing I am noticing is that at my new weight(s), that things that were a "workout" before aren't so much anymore. I might have to add to my workouts.

This whole exercise thing is getting out of hand. I am going to have to put a stop to it before it is too late.

Instead Of Weeks, How About Days

2008-02-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

With 10 ½ weeks left in the competition, I saw my goal weight. Now, it was an early morning weight-in, so I do not count it as final, but if history means anything, any number I have seen during this diet, I have achieve in a few days. At this rate, I am going to lose my weight, and the other two guys that have mysteriously vanished, their weight, too.

I’m telling you, it’s all about the snacks. Healthy snacks. I figured that a bag of chips or donut is about a buck, and so is a health food bar if you buy them by the box. There are times that by dinnertime, I am only in the mood for another snack. I may have technically eaten more on this diet than when I was not dieting. Also, just knowing you can have snacks lets you order a lighter meal than you otherwise would, because the fear of getting caught in the middle of your day hungry goes away.

Still not exercising regularly.

The other day, I heard Janet Jackson say in an interview about her shape, “If you’re doing good on your diet, then you only have to worry about the exercise a little bit.”

She’s right.

Losing Weight The Brain Way

2008-02-10T19:52:00.001-08:00

I wrote in a previous blog the many “secrets” to my almost too successful weight loss. Everything that I am doing is not only common sense, but in one way or other, things I have done in the past. I have eating better, I have drunk less, and I have exercised more. What I hadn’t done was do all of them together. While thinking about my other entries about weight dropping, I realized that diet is not something you do for a few weeks or a couple of months just to drop some pounds. What I was doing was a permanent way for me, and that put on weight. What I needed to do was find a new and permanent way to live that would take the pounds off.

In a way, I mentioned that before, but I felt that this was a more specific explanation. I said that Bill’s e mail got into my head, but this is more specifically how.

Last week, I did not lose any weight, but I maintained my low, despite three days of some beer. In weight loss, alcohol, even in small quantities, has the same affect it does when you are taking antibiotics. It interrupts the process, and while the weight does not all return, your weight jumps up, and the momentum of loss needs time to gain steam.

So, if alcohol does that, why do I drink it? The reason I gave above. The changes that I am making are permanent, including bad days. I am not giving up anything forever. I am not killing myself with exercise. I am not resolving myself to only bird food. I am just going to do well, and be consistent forever.

After all, the deal still is 16 pounds in 16 weeks. Sixteen pounds in four months? That is something that I have never been able to do in my life, and now, I don’t know why. Sixteen pounds is time for a new set of clothes. Sixteen pounds is one pound away from the next wall I want to break. One pound a week. That’s all. In one year, that is 52 pounds. That is me walking right past you, and you would miss me. That is me becoming a totally different me.

They say after the age of 25 your metabolism begins to slow down. I do not think that applies to me as much as I thought it did. They say that after being on a diet for two weeks that your body tells you that it is hungry, even when it is not, to protect its food stores. I was eating so much, but healthy food, that I did not even notice. Mind you, the first few days, I would have a binge meal every four days or so. Sometimes, it took some chocolate milk to stop the low-sugar shakes. Then again, Randy (you see his website to the right of this page) told me that once a week, it is good to eat a lot. Revs up your metabolism, he says.

Mission Accomplished. (Cod piece provided by Tyson Chicken.)

Even My Feet

2008-02-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

All of this week, my feet have been sliding around in my shoe. Sideways. I checked with a trainer, and he said that yes, you can definitely lose weight in your feet.

*tighteninglaces*

Oh, this week wasn't a great weight loss week. Sunday was Super Bowl and Tuesday was... well, fat. Still, the bounce back is great. In two days, it went back to its low.

I'm almost at my goal, and it's only the fifth week.

Four Weeks Later

2008-02-02T23:41:00.000-08:00

Despite the dates of these blogs, they are both written four weeks after the diet started. I have lost a little over ten pounds in this time. Bill and I are the only ones still in the race. Well, I don't want to call it a race, because it's not a competition. At least, I do not look at it that way, but tomorrow is Bill's Super Bowl party, and the two guys that have not committed to this are either not showing up or have not mentioned coming. I told Bill, "These guys should do this now, while they have the support and education on their side. Next time they will want to try, me and Bill will not be in their club, and they will not be in ours."

When I started off, I was losing three pounds a week. (I mentioned before that two pounds per week is a strong, safe pace to be at.) I am not doing anything drastic. I just changed almost everything a little bit.

*I stopped drinking *COmostlyUGH*. (I have discovered that your body uses a different method of processing alcohol calories, and while it does this, it does not utilize what goes into it. The alcohol becomes heat and everything is sent to fat. It basically prevents your body from processing fat. Alcohol is like the cockblocker of dieters.)
*I made sure that my fridge had healthy food stocked and handy. (Whole wheat snacks, pasta and bread. Fruit. Baked chicken. (Pounds of it, so it could be used in a sandwich, or tossed into a soup to satisfy the appetite.)
*I have a friend that is a trainer that sends me awesome information about health, diet and exercise. It was one of those papers that explained why some cheese and peanut butter is good for you.
*Sometimes, I need a meal, so I have it. It's a healthy meal, but it's more. Sometimes, it's just like that.
*Snacks. They are muy importante. Eat three light meals, then have three snack throughout the day. This has kept me from pulling over to 7/11 or attacking my fridge when I get home. I keep almonds handy, because they are great for suppressing an appetite. (I hear grapefruit does, also. Too bad it's grapefruit.) Health food bars and apples. I keep lots of celery around, and have a couple of sticks before dinner. It helps me fill up with no calorie food, and celery is a negative calorie food. This means that your body uses more calories to process it than it takes in by eating it.
*I weigh myself after a good dump. (I look at that dump, guess the number of pounds it is, and then go to the scale to see if I am correct.)
*Whey protein powder. (I heard that this was good for muscle development. What it is is something that you can add to milk, cereal or other foods that gives a protein boost, and once again, suppresses the appetite.)
*Working out (I wish I could say that I've been hitting the gym, but I've had a cold all month. Yep, I've lost a good chunk of weight with only occasional walks and infrequent weight lifting.)
*Portion control. (All of the above plus salads contribute to this.)

My point is that you do not have to kill yourself in any category. You just have to do everything better. In fact, killing yourself in any one area is what makes you quit a diet in the first place. Starving yourself, wearing yourself out, neither are good or good for you.
At our rate, me and Bill might be done in only two months time. At the end of the one-month point, the other guys could still get on board, only having to lose 1.2 pounds per week. What can you do? I think I have realized that a diet isn't temporary. What I was doing got me to this point. Any changes that I make have to be permenant. That means good with some bad. Just not bad all of the time.

16 Pounds In 16 Weeks

2008-02-02T23:03:00.000-08:00

I should have been blogging this the entire time. I guess I haven't, because it sounded so simple that I thought it was impossible. It should have been something that occurred to me long ago.

At the beginning of the year, a friend sent out this e mail.

Ok, I am throwing down the gauntlet!!!

 

   After getting on the scale yesterday and finding out I GAINED 10

pounds this year, I am officially challenging you to loose some weight with me!!!

 

   All of us could use to loose a "couple" pounds, I have heard everyone mention they would "like" to loose some weight, I even think each of us has, or should I say /HAD/ lost some weight, and hopefully this will get or keep ALL of us motivated to do so. I'm not trying to make it a competition to loose the MOST weight,

Just to LOOSE SOME weight.

   My challenge is not a very hard one. ONE pound per week, for 16 weeks! Broken down, between now and April 26th (a Saturday) there are 16 weeks.

April 26th is also suspiciously close to a couple birthdays I know of, and there is usually a party that goes on that weekend (of which

you are all invited to by the way), so that would be a perfect final

date. (Also, if anyone doesn't make all 16# they *don't get any

cake*!! Ok, you can still have some ribs, but NO CAKE!!)

But, I challenge you (and myself) to loose 16# in the 16 weeks!!

Now 16# sounds like a lot, but 1# per week . . . come on, a good poop will do that!!!! Also, 1# per week is NOT hitting the gym 5 times a week, walking 2 hours a day, eating salad with your favorite water on it. It's more like walking 20 minutes 3-4 times a week, NOT super sizing, I want the side salad instead of the fries, Diet Coke or better yet water instead of regular soda. If those lard butts on Biggest Looser can loose 19# in ONE WEEK, we can do 1# per week!!!

Ya, ya, "work . . . busy . . . cold out . . . tired . . . no time ... get up early . . . stay up late . . ." me too!

Let's do this or I'm going to have to put on the Cheerleader outfit

again, and I don't think ANYBODY wants to see that!!! If everyone turns to the left and kicks the butt of that person we will all get to kick AND be kicked.

My "official" weigh in #1 is 241. That is still down 15# from my max, but UP 22# from 2 years ago!! MY total goal is to loose 70# in 2 years. That's 280 Quarter Pounders, almost 8.5 gallons of water, a bag of cement, a 6" x 6" x 20" solid bar of aluminum, an 8' bar of steel

1.5"x 1.75", a 1x12 tube guitar amp in EACH HAND . . .

I can't carry a loaded backpack that weights 50# for more than a

couple hundred yards, but I can carry an extra 70 pounds with every step?? Go to Home Depot and pick up a gallon of paint in each hand. Not too bad. Now, pick up a 5 gallon bucket of paint, then pick up another one, then walk with them both. That's the difference in weight. Hurts huh!! That's my way of looking at it.

Hope this will motivate you to join me, I know it has me!!! Now I'm going to finish my salad and skip the big cookie!!

Bill

Gee, that Bill sure is fat, but he does have a point. I had never thought of it like that before. All of these years, wanting to lose weight. If I had just done one pound a week, in one year, I would have lost all of the weight. When you say it, "one pound a week," it sounds like nothing. Two pounds per week is a healthy rate of weight loss. One pound should be easy. I have always thought the weight I needed to lose as one enormous mountain that I had to conquer, not many 1 lb. speed bumps. Maybe it was due to the team effort, maybe it was due to how it was phrased, but this e mail got into my head unlike I have ever been able to get into my own.

In the past, I have always eaten better for a while, drank less for a while, worked out harder for a while, but never all together. It just dawned on me that as I get older, the weight isn't going to lose itself. If I really wanted it, then I'd have to change everything.

So, I did.

Mmm... pie.

2007-06-05T20:06:00.001-07:00

Right now, Cocoa's is selling the best pie I've ever had.

Banana creme with slices of strawberries inside, on a chocolate cookie crust. What they don't tell you is that the crust has a secret layer of chocolate that keeps the crust separate from the creme.

Okay, weight loss tip of the day... DO NOT keep one of these pies in your home.

These pies are like potato chips. You just can't stop at one.

Quite A Long Time

2007-05-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter. You haven't missed much. Eat better, drink less. Dropped about 10 of the 20 lbs. that I gained. Now, it's a fight all over again. I'm telling you this much, having an mp3 player is a big help. You're so distracted either being your own DJ or exercising "one more song" that you don't spend your entire time thinking about how miserable you are.

Plus, I've gotten to a point where I can do dips without the cheat machine. This is making my upper arms look real nice, along with the curls and other torture techniques I've picked up from the Marquis de Ran.

Otherwise, my new goal is do something everyday, if only to hike the monster hill outside my house so steep, that looking up it gives me vertigo. (Note to self: do not leave the house without I.D. and a cell phone. Also, only exercise in the dark.)

Gaddam CostCo

2006-11-22T22:40:00.000-08:00

CostCo's got whole gallons of eggnog for under $5.

It's a great time to be poor in America. Stuff that used to be considered an entre is now on the dollar menu. Crap food keeps. Crap food is always on sale. Crap food is always two-for-one. Crap food tastes good.

CostCo has double sized bottle of brandy for $13. Between the two, I should be able to go an entire week.

Christ...

About That "Everyday" Thing

2006-11-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

Quit being so literal!

Ok, some things got in the way.

First of all, working your legs is not like working your upper body. You can work your upper body for about three weeks, and then take a week off for good healing/muscle improvement. An hour after my 3rd day in a row, I was lying in bed after my 30 min. sweat, and thought, "Gee, my legs sure do hurt." I've lifted weights all of my life, so I just tried to find a final position and not move too much. After about fifteen minutes of pretending, I finally shouted, "DAMN, MY LEGS HURT!" They were singing. There was this constant ringing of stinging pain. A couple of Bayer helped, but dammit, I needed a couple of Bayer.

Second, some odd pinched nerve in my lower back. Who knows from what. At the time, didn't even know it was a pinched nerve. Just knew I was crippled. Luckily, I know a great trainer, and he told me an exercise that made it go away about seven days. Have done some walking since then, but not daily.

Third, I work out alone. Easiest thing in the world is to tell myself that I don't need to go, and why. Sad but true, if I can quote a little Metallica.

On the other hand, it's a killer hill. It's great for a workout. When I walk down, turn around and look up, I almost get vertigo trying to see the top. It's not so much far as it is steep. Also, I've done it enough to where I can maintain a cell phone conversation while walking it, if only in a dirty, phone-sex panting sort of way. It is common for me to tell whoever is on the other end, "I'm going to collapse here. I'm going to have to throw the phone uphill. Go on without me. When they ask, be kind."

What I should do is opt for a walk on level ground on my off days, just to get the consistency in. That's one of my problems. Once I've set a level, all I want to do is break it. It's how I pulled my muscles so many times. Impatience. All-or-nothing attitude. Over the years, I've learned to adjust that in the weight room. Now, I need to do it on the sidewalk. (Yea, I said it. So what?)

Medicine Ball Hiatus

2006-08-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, here's the scoop. 1. My two trainers broke up. It seems, for no real conflict, they went their separate ways. I thought their styles matched up really well, where one liked more workout stations where the other liked running more. (By the way, whatever I was doing at the moment both hurt and sucked the most. Whatever I was doing, I would rather have been doing the other. Still...) 2. I fell out of the Saturday workout. At one point, it wasn't happening, and I didn't get word. I was supposed to get word when it started. That didn't happen. I really got into sleep, so... 3. Two things. (Crap, this should have been no. 2. No pun intended.) One, the trainer that was having sessions during the week stopped for a while because he wanted to restructure them (trickmeintopuking) , and then my workload increased to the point where I couldn't even do part of them.

I don't know if I'll go back. I don't know if I could go through what I did my first workout all over again. Recently, I climbed a cliff's worth of homemade steps, and I had to stop about six times. (Mind you, the pizza and beer lunch did not help. Had I had a lighter lunch, MAYBE SOME WATER, it could have been a different walk.)

It was good to learn HOW out-of-shape I was, and what it takes to get to a less-out-of-shape point. I do more cardio at the gym because of my experience with TakeActionFitness. I rotate the types I do. I've made it a priority.

My new thing is going to be "Go More Often, Less Intense." I have had a theory for quite some time that consistency is more important that LETTING SOMEONE TRY TO KILL ME. What I did for a little over a week a while back was to go most days, do cardio each day, and do as many weightlifting exercises until I felt "done." The next day, pick up where I left off. At the end of nine or so days, I was starting to feel really good, so I'd like to carry it out further. During my stint at (hellyear) Fitcamp, I never became a runner. I looked better, I felt better, I got stronger, my wind developed, flexibility improved, yadda yadda yadda.

But, until that number on the scale comes down, all the good stuff don't mean crap. Until I can run a mile without losing my vision, bah!

P.S. An odd benefit with a professional trainer workout. I've become more coordinated and in control of my movements. With an even workout, all the muscles get work, including the ones that let you transition from one position to the other.

Guys, if you're reading this, thanks. I'm going to miss it. You've shown me enough to make me want more.

"BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!"

Shh-shh-shh... this is "diet."

2006-07-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

What are you looking at? It's fitness... dammit!

2006-07-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

High School Phys. Ed.

2006-04-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, running got you in better shape.
.
.
You ran for a while, and the longer you did it, the better you got at it. You never appreciated it in high school, but when coaches ran you through all sorts of sports, what they were really doing was targeting different sets of muscles, so you would have a balanced physique.
.
As I have become older, I have discovered that despite all of my working out (before attending a fit camp), there are all sorts of muscles that are overlooked when you design your own workout in the gym. Even when I added cycling class, treadmill, and back exercises, there are still numerous muscles that are overlooked. This is why you need a three-dimensional workout.
.
A three-dimensional workout is one that works all of parts of the body evenly. These are usually attained by doing actual sports. In the process of doing actual activity as opposed to activity simulated with wheels and pulleys in the gym, you get the smaller muscle groups used in stopping, starting, changing direction and hiding behind smaller objects, like soccer moms. (I become ninja when it comes to blending into the background across a field I have just been assigned to run around.)
.
Not too long ago, I began doing some extra work for a friend of mine. When I told him that I could not make it until the afternoon, he said, “Why? You say in your blog that all you do is cheat.” No, no, no. What I do is “hedge” so I can get through the damn thing. Trust me; I get the crap beaten out of me. I’m getting the hardest work out there, because I’m working the hardest to move my mAss. I’m a weightlifter doing a runner’s workout. I cheat, but I do not cheat myself. And, if I start feeling comfortable, I adjust my cheating so that I am no longer comfortable. I cannot eat, or even drink much when I do this workout. Not unless I want to waste a gin and tonic on watering the field.
.
Once upon a time, running got you in better shape. It hurt at first, but eventually, you got better at it. Now, I am stronger, more coordinated, but I am not a better runner. I am a less-worse runner. It is difficult to go out there and relive… certain times dragging behind. Then again, considering my build, that might be my “good.” I get to only come in “a little last.” Then again, anything involving a medicine ball, I am in the game! I toss that sucker like an angry Cyclops.
.
Maybe we should consider a change? Something with some actual professional application. The Cage Dancer’s Workout? Alcohol endurance? Tacos-Tacos-Tacos?
.
I am going to keep going. I just do not foresee myself feeling that “runner’s high” anytime soon.

“Hello? Soccer Mom? No, no. I know your name isn’t ‘Soccer Mom.’ Can I talk with you for a second?”

Shedding "Rudy" Tears

2006-04-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Guilt and Neglect

2006-02-22T21:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, I'm only writing this, as the title says, out of Guilt and Neglect. I really did intend on writing in my blog at least once a week. What I did not take into account is what an expert I am in filling my schedule with everything in every minute... except down time. And when I fill my schedule the most, with the most things that I am the least proficient in, work's psychic suck-dar goes off, and they too offer me, what? MORE WORK! Money is nice. Now, I will have to pay someone to spend it for me.

Once upon a time, I promised several people a Mexico story. There are four hand written pages finished. I just need to be willing to sit in an uncomfortable computer chair to type them out. Also, because the story does not fit on a fitness blog, it will be somewhere else to be revealed when it is completed. I might have ten other topics to write about. What I do when I have an idea is open a Microsoft Word file, jot some notes, and save the file under the title name. Once it's time to sit back down, I might have a book's worth.

The foot is coming along nicely. Still slightly misshaped (only the self-conscious can see the difference) I can once again pinch with my toes, do (some) barefoot pushups, and none of that with a swelling relapse. A new plan that I might put into action, unless I come to my senses. I have to be back at work at 1:15 everyday. So, I could go do weightlifting in the morning, take a break, and do half a fitcamp. While half of anything doesn't seem that much, I am still responsible for staying awake at work everyday.

Back to you, Jim.

No Posts Lately

2006-01-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

A couple of people recently mentioned that I have been neglecting my blog. I have two reasons for this. One, I still have two differently shaped feet. The right foot moves and stands much better, but I still want another week before I put it to the test. Two, no trainers showed up Saturday, and I needed some kind of equipment to work out on, because I was not ready to do all running. Even if that equipment was a soccer mom, she would have to go easy on my foot. Three, I have been taking some classes, so I have not been able to sit down and put out something of substance.

Some of you have balked at the Colon Blow website. I found that site looking for an old Phil Hartman Saturday Night Live commercial called "Colon Blow." Who'd a thunk a company would not a) get the joke or b) never have heard of it. I have an Asian on retainer, and he has instructed me on how to put up a video file, so I will try and have it up soon.

My next post will be "What Happened to Mike and Ran in Mexico that night after Kristen Crawled Home from the Bar." It fits a fitness blog, cause there's Kristen crawling, Angie dragging her in the right direction, Stephen OD'ing on Diet Cokes to Fake-Sober-Up, and cause Jack in the Box tastes the same in Tijuana.

Sometimes, This Stuff Writes Itself

2006-01-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

www.colonblow.com

About The Foot Itself

2006-01-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

I now have a good foot and a bad foot. My good foot does not look so bad. By itself, it looks like a normal foot. Alas, like Nicole Richie, it isn't satisfied looking pretty good on its own. It has to hang with the models, and so details that were never considered lacking are now glaring.

The major difference between my good foot and my bad (evil?) foot is that it looks like someone overinflated it by a few puffs. I wouldn't call it swollen, but if you hold my feet together (Call me!) you can see the angelic foot has detail, tendons and muscles, and a color that matches the rest of me. My demonic foot is pinker, very smooth, and there is no detail other than being more Fred Flintstone's foot than my own. There is a reddish spot on the outside of that bone on the inside of your foot.

To get Satan's Foot into a shoe is a two part process. One, I gently... GENTLY I SAID, slide as much of the foot into a shoe, hoping that by the time I quit, the heel is hanging past the heel of the shoe, and not before it. Two, I step down into the shoe, STILL not moving the toe neither upward nor downward. At this point, I now call my food swollen.

Once I get my foot into the shoe, I do not tie it. I do not need to tie it. Trust me, it's in there.

My foot wakes me up early when it is about 15 minutes too late for my medicine. I cannot just get up and take some medicine. I have ibuprofen that are made for a horse. I have to eat first, so I will not get sick, or some blah blah. I have been sitting in front of my computer in the dark, coating my stomach, making a comfy bed for this zepplin they call a pill. Also, there are the liquids I need to wash the pills down, and the liquids I need to compensate for the drying out the pill is going to do to me, and there are the liquids that I do not take so I do not have to get up again before I am ready.

There is no measurement for that. It's just something you "feel" on the inside.

I'm off to exorcise my foot. My trainer told me that it is important to exorcise at least four times a week. I should have listened. This'll teach me.

05' Gets Its Last Shot In

2006-01-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

Considering how my year has gone, I did not think it would be too much to ask to have the last week of it be a smooth one. This is why I sustained the injury that I did.

I strained/overstretched/tore the tendon and/or muscle that goes from my heel to the bottom joint of my big toe. How does one do this? Push-ups. Barefoot push-ups. Psycho, twenty-minute pilates push-up exercises. That and having a weightlifter's flexibility (oxymoron), weighing 300+ lbs. and putting that pressure on the toes only, and, let's not forget, me being me. The doctor said that the injury is the same as if someone bent your fingers too far back.

It is whenever you injure a part of your body that you realize how important that body part is. In this case, this tendon and muscle are responsible for keeping your balance, and the stride in your walk. That seems to translate to not being able to put any weight over the top of my left foot whatsoever without having a stick to bite down into. This also means that to avoid hot knives in my foot, I have had to turn my foot sideways, and walk pirate-style. Even these walks left me with throbbing pain. Also, lifting up or pressing down with my big toe recreated the pain that walking gave me.

I have learned that taking a Ziploc half full of water and draping it over a roll of Jimmy Sage sausage almost shapes the an ice pack like the side of my foot.

At least I've got that for me. Happy Frickin' New Year

Nutrition Advice

2005-12-22T23:56:00.000-08:00

.
"Michael, when you get to the crunchy part, that's the plate."

. Mom 84' -- while we were at a restaurant having dinner.

.

Break (Stuff) Dancing

2005-12-20T00:45:00.000-08:00

The other night, I was at a party. It was a nicey-nice wine party. (Which made our Jagermeister and Red Bull a little awkward. I just want to add here that they need to just say it if it’s a wine party. At a wine party, it’s not BYOB, it’s BYOW. Just put it out there. Don’t be coy about it. I don’t want to bust in like one of the Blues Brothers if it’s a violin sort of thing.) The hosts were also serving a German drink made of heated wine with whole oranges, burnt sugar, and other stewed spices called Gloog. (Umlaut over one of the “o”s. Don’t ask which one. Google it, monkey!) The attendees were mostly couples that were professors/intellectuals. This was confirmed for me when at one point, there was a brief nerdoff about German linguistics near my liquor! This was just a case of of two warriors circling each other, struttin’ their stuff and showing their plumage to intimidate their opponent.

So, I went outside…

My goal was to one, cool off. The small house was hot and crowded. It almost rained nerdsweat ™ from the ceiling. My second goal was to draw people outside where cool air could be found. I heard later that a true nerdoff started after we went outside. Men whippin’ out their calculators like they were six-shooters. (Nerds do not walk ten paces. They walk ten meters, and turn around. Or, they agree upon a longitude and latitude, and just go there, hopefully without tripping on nothing. They may not keep their balance every time, but eventually, they do turn around.) One guy at our table outside, an employee at Sony (who was not thoughtful enough to hand out electronics) started calling our picnic table the “VIP Area” loudly enough to be heard inside. Within one hour, every attendee was standing outside (not enough room at the VIP table) watching people breathe fireballs fueled with Bacardi 151. Once again, a party brought down to the lowest common denominator. Just call me Caligula. *bow*

Later, back inside…

There were two Indian women inside dancing to Indian/hip-hop mixes. (crap, I’m going to get the terminology wrong. Last night, in my haze (see above) I claimed that Indians speak Indian. This is the intellectual equivalent of saying that Mexicans speak Mexican, or Americans speak American, and they were not shy about letting me know by their response. I claimed a hot-wine mulligan, and that seemed to work, at least this one time.They ARE Indian. They SPEAK Hindi. (IhopeIhopeIhope.) Still, they were kind about it.

I had noted that it was cool (cause cool is such an intellectual word) seeing people perform the dance moves that I saw on Showtime India Extreme on the AZN Network. When I commented on the moves, I found out that one of the women dancing was a choreographer for bhangra (Too lazy to link it. You gotta Google it.) competitions. She was kind enough to offer to teach me some moves. With a wooden floor, I knew it would be best to go shoeless. So, she starts a move with just feet, and begin to copy it successfully. She calls out that she’s going to add arms, and I cry back, “NO ARMS! NO ARMS!” (When you “add arms,” you add the arm movements, which will take away from the concentration on your feet movements. I WASN’T ready to stop concentrating on the feet movements.) Eventually, we add feet movements and rotating the whole thing in a circle. From what I heard, I did a good job. I did not get to dance long. Despite my making sure that Mongo was not dancing near anything breakable, something broke. With a crash. To the floor. Out of my arms reach. Too close to me.

We were all confused, because nobody hit anything. Then, I figured out that there was a small candle in a glass holder that had a Jurassic Park moment. (You know, where the vibrations of the T-Rex made the surface of the drink ripple.) Poor, poor candle slowly but surely vibrated its way off of the edge of the television set it was upon. (Probably calling for help the entire time, but Mongo was beating the poor wooden floor to death, and with the music turned up, the call went unanswered.) THAT was the end of my dancing.

Later, I heard a quote that came from the kitchen.

In response to the shaking, “What IS that”?
“Oh, Mike’s dancing.”

They peaked out, and I was indeed dancing.

Dammit!

2005-12-12T19:49:00.000-08:00

Last week and into this one, I have been tired, day and night. I'm not dying or anything close to that. I just always want to lie down in the sand and stare into space... until a waitress comes. My trainer said that I have overexerted myself. There is only solution to overexerting. Rest and sleep.

Arrgh! I wasn't ready for this. I finally got my discipline down, extending my usual three weeks up/one week down formula. Also, I'm used to having kid's colds and life-crap get in my way. I feel like I am wasting time taking a time out. I wanted to see more rewards (besides flying medicine balls) when I got to the "take-a-break" point.

In general, I am lousy at "planning downtime." I am not patient. I do not like waiting. I wanted to break down when I had room for it in my schedule. This also explains why I will never be a jogger. Jogging is just prolonged torture. You just run until you slowly feel too miserable to go on. I need activities, and ones that are constantly changing. I need to trick myself into running.

The muscles are doing better, the endurance is doing better, the speed is doing better. The weight has not, and the weight has not. (Despite how much I know health is many things, when I am alone in my thoughts, it will always be that number that matters to me.) Last week, despite getting started late on a running/medicine ball exercise, I tied for first. (I refused to yak on the finish line.)

I have two weeks off in December. I wanted to hit as many FitCamps as I could during those two weeks.

Maybe I did break down in time.

Definitely NOT Good For You

2005-12-10T19:19:00.000-08:00

When you take one part pumpkin ice cream, one part egg nog and two parts FAT FREE milk...that ain't good for you. Not in the least. That is, unless then you're talking about taste. Then, it frickin' rocks your world!

Slowly Shifting

2005-12-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

Today, someone at FitCamp came up to me and asked if I was all right. My response was, "I'm cheating less."

And You Know What Fonzie Was

2005-12-03T17:28:00.000-08:00

This is an exercise that we do at FitCamp. I cannot remember the name of it, because when I exercise, the blood goes from my brain to my nostrils and onto the grass field. You repeatedly lift your Fonzie thumbs, head and chest. Like most of our exercises, you do about six of them before you feel done, but have more to do.

Dead Bug Guy

More Food

2005-11-30T10:19:00.000-08:00

First, let me mention Da Kine's. It is a fantastic Hawaiian restaurant located on Mission Blvd. in Pacific Beach. Their portions are enormous, and I will only order the large plate if I have skipped breakfast. They have daily specials, and the only way that you can get their Chicken Adobo on Tuesdays is to call in and pre-order it. I know this is going to be a tough sale, but I love their Spam musubi. This is a slice of spam on a bed of rice, wrapped in seaweed. Make sure you get some soy sauce with it.

While I'm on spam, one day I was at a street fair when someone handed me a miniature sandwich. It tasted really good. Come to find out that it was turkey Spam in a Hawaiian sweet egg bread roll. Nothing on it. Just the meat and the bread. Also, turkey Spam is only 4g of fat per serving.

Finally, 7/11's donuts. Not all of their donuts. For the most part, a donut is a donut is a donut. Good, but nevertheless... Every once in a while, they come up with some fantastic concoction, and have it for a limited time. A few years ago, it was an old fashioned donut with blueberries. (Moment of silence) Now, they have a chocolate donut with a vanilla frosting and rasberry filling. It's so good. They're like Pop-Tarts For The Rich And Famous (tm).

It's Been One Week

2005-11-29T19:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, I did not make it from Saturday to Saturday. Despite having the week off from work, between four FitCamps and Liberty Tax class, I had put off everything I needed to do during the week until Saturday. Had to work at the theatre Saturday night for six hours, had to smoke a turkey (and find a pipe big enough to do it) during the day, and was expecting to go to FitCamp that morning. The problem is that FitCamp wrecks me until around 2 PM, when my "recovery" (see: nap) is finished.

I'm glad I put it off soley for surviving the day. There are muscles on the outside of your shins, below the calves and above the ankles. All of the ones on my left side were burning like hell. Various muscles around my ribcage were tightened to the point where they would not let me get things off of the top shelf, and my glutes were making it so that I was more comfortable walking like goatboy. That day, I had to help my friend make an emergency evacuation of his fridge while he smoked my turkey. (Hey... puff-puff-pass, ass!) He had a freezer bottom, (protected by Igloo Jeans) so I had to do some work from the floor. This mostly entailed me seeing something on the floor, taking a deep breath, and dropping to it, shooting back into the standing postion before my body discovered my betrayl, and left me lying there like a Nyquil victim. At the theatre, between ticket sales and running the lights, there was more than enough standing.

Overall,I spent a good week running on protein bars and naps. More and more, I am leading the occasional exercise. (Hint: GIVE ME A MEDICINE BALL RELAY! Ogre like throw-run. Ok, Ogre think throw-run suck less than run-puke-run.) Technically, I made it one week. Originally, I had planned on doing two night FitCamps, too. I would have gone on drugs, but would have been too tired to inject them or even get the needle into a vein had I tried that. Friday's camp is a blur. What was that girl doing on my chin? That bastard Randy doubled the amount of stairs we did. (That is, three stairs, three stair-pushups followed by three stairs, three-stair tricep pushes.) Let me tell you, I had to catch my breath just to go downstairs. I'm panting typing about it.

What Is This Girl Doing On My Chin?

2005-11-25T19:37:00.000-08:00

Today I made it past

2005-11-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

Today I made it past the half way point for my five FitCamps. Before I started this torture pilgrimage, I had imagined that by now, I would be too busy healing from past FitCamps to endure the current one. It seems that with a day to heal in between, that this is not the case. I’m somewhat sore, but FitCamp changes up enough so they do not beat up any one muscle group (more than the others).

I am also less stressed on days that I go. For one reason, the workouts are intense enough where I have to concentrate on them enough so that I cannot concentrate on my own crap. Also, it works out the tightness, which also leads to stress.

Once again, there were only two of us there, so I did not have others to hide behind. When he got that look because I was walking instead of running, I told him, “You have fewer people to spread your disappointment to.” What I am keeping track of is that I am quitting my running later in the workout. (45 min. into it as opposed to 10 min. into it)

I have Friday and Saturday to still get through. No one-day break in between. We’ll see how I do then. I’m sure I am going to be impossible to deal with then.

Weird Eating

2005-11-23T10:54:00.000-08:00

Since this is the place where everybody comes to talk about food, I want to talk about the weird concoctions that we secretly love.

A peanut butter, banana and chocolate frosting sandwich – A cashier at Vons gave me this one. She swore by it, and as far as I am concerned, she still can.

A mayonnaise, pickle and peanut butter sandwich – I know I’m not going to convince ANYone that this is good. I still can’t bring myself to call it “good” out loud. An old roommate swore by it, and I only tried it because of this, and because it sounded too awful to be awful. It was great. To this day, just because of the sound of it, I still cannot bring myself to actively purchase the ingredients and make it, but if it was on a plate, I’d eat it.

The Rory Burger – At the Corvette Diner. A hamburger with peanut butter and bacon on it. I know there seems to be a theme with peanut butter, but Kung Pao dishes are meat, vegetables and peanuts.

The Plymouth Rock – it’s a sandwich made at the Vons deli. It’s a turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce on it. Think of it as a healthy version of a Monte Cristo. (See? No peanut butter. Then again… )

Clam chowder, mashed potatoes and hot sauce – I would like to add bacon to this, but haven’t had the chance yet. Speaking of bacon,

Bacon wrapped asparagus and artichoke hearts – every time I have done these on the BBQ, there has always been someone around to day, “I can’t STAND asparagus. I will never eat that,” and they are always the ones two-fistin’ my damn bacon treats. (Dammit!) Time consuming to prepare, but well worth it.

Ok, there’s my starter list. Tell me yours. (Except Randy. I KNOW what you eat, and I don’t want your list!)

Treat Yourself

2005-11-22T19:17:00.000-08:00

http://www.skoopy.com/show2.php?id=1687&type=VID

Honorable Dining Mentions

2005-11-22T18:55:00.000-08:00

Brian's American Eatery -- open 24 hours on weekends, and are damn generous with cheese.

The Hash House A Go-Go -- My friend says that this place is just okay, but between their interesting combinations, the live stick of rosemary they include in every meal, the plates that need a person on each side to carry, and the bar two doors down with Bloody Mary specials, it is an ideal weekend place. A little pricey, but great atmosphere.

The Mission -- Normally, I do not discuss healthy food here, but when someone does it right, I think it deserves mentioning. I discovered this place after my first FitCamp. Despite their claim to be a more healthy option with presentation at an affordable price, I found a standard, heavy breakfast... and I was sorry that I did. When I saw some kind of egg whites whatever, I imagined the usual "healthy" breakfast that could fit on a coffee saucer. It was just as large as anybody elses. The tofu also scared me away, but they grill it in rosemary, and when I tried it, I wanted to trade my breakfast in. The one I went to is located in North Park, but they have two others... somewhere. (What? I linked it for you! Go click!)

Reason 1,720,906 why I love the internet. I think with all of these places, not only can you read their menu online, but they have pictures of their food. (Hash House had to use a wide-angle lens.)

Two down, three to go.

2005-11-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

Went to my second out of five FitCamps today. Forgot THIS location had stairs. You don't understand, stairs eat ass! If you're feeling good about your improvements in any way, stairs will dash those feelings against the rocks. (Not on the rocks, as in a good, stiff drink.)

Only three people attended today's session, so cheating was at a bare minimum. On the other hand, I did point out that Gin and Juice has vitamin C in it.

Tonight, it's tax class. In the middle of finals. Good thing I'm too tired to throw the calculator across the room. (Plus, I'd have to pull myself out of my chair to go and get it.)

My Last Will And Testament

2005-11-20T21:07:00.001-08:00

I do not work this week. So, because I hate me, I am going to attempt to attend five (Yesterday, Mon, Wed, Fri and Sat) FitCamp classes around my income tax finals. In addition, I need to clean my apartment, do laundry, have Thanksgiving, and get my lip back in shape for TubaChristmas taking place on Dec. 7.

Today is Sunday. I do not need help getting out of a chair, but I would SURE LIKE IT!

My logic is that as busy as I am this week, I have time in my schedule for extra sleep if I need it. Honestly, there is a good chance that I will skip next Saturday's FitCamp. I am hoping that my confession here will motivate me to go on that day, too.

Places To Eat Around San Diego

2005-11-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

Driving for a living has required that I occasionally grab lunch on the run in just about every part of town. I thought I would list some of my favorites.

Broken Yolk Café – they have an omelet called The Border Check. It is basically a jack cheese and chorizo omelet with jalapenos and guacamole. In addition, they have started keeping bottle of their own brand name Serrano hot sauce. Not very hot, but the best flavor I’ve ever tasted in a hot sauce. I think I hit 1/3 of the bottle each visit. (Cause, they added a “hot sauce shooters” surcharge to my bill… dammit.)

That Mexican place by the Vons supermarket in Scripps Ranch – I forget the name of the place, but they make their own chorizo. It is hardly the brightest red color, but I think it’s the best I’ve ever had (and when I looked inside, I didn’t see any fat).

IHOP – They have a country omelet that has the hash browns on the inside. Add three pancakes and the pot of coffee they leave at your table, and you’re set for the morning.

All-Chicken listing -- Livingston's Chicken Kitchen – They do pressurized, full sized pieces of chicken, buffalo-wing style that is awesome. Popeye’s is great, but is fried… which makes it even GREATER! Wings & Things for their buffalo strips special.

99 Ranch Market – not for the actual supermarket, but there’s a place in back that does the best calamari. They offer two items plus a rice or noodle side for $4. They back it so full, it looks like a suitcase that needs to be sat upon to lock. I usually just eat the two main courses, and eat the rice later.

O’Nami’s – Ok, not exactly food on the run, but it’s a buffet, (those things I said I hardly do anymore) and it offers hot items, a sushi bar, a salad bar (I heard) and a dessert bar, where if you’re willing to eat through all that nasty chocolate, you can have a strawberry, which is fruit, which is good for you.

Bennigan’s – these muthas will actually fry a sandwich for you. An entire sandwich with a fried shell. (see above: fried) They will fry strings of onion, they will put blue cheese on a very good burger, and make it even better. They will even cook blue cheese on potato chips, too. (Man that sounds good. I’ll be right back.)

Antique Row Café – on weekends, while you wait on the street outside, they will put out coffee and cut pastries for you to snack on until a table is ready. It’s like they’re hosting a party. A highly caffeinated party, but a party nevertheless.

DeMille’s Pizza – My friend Bill and I are licensed medical pizza doctors certified by the Board of Cheese. While our combinations were once feared as “the weird pizza,” as time went on, and more and more people tried them; let’s put it this way, if everybody is eating the “weird” pizza, and only a few are getting the regular pizzas, are the weird ones still called “the weird pizza” In addition, the service is the best around. They make you feel like you are family. If you are still eating or drinking at closing time, they let you linger while they clean. (Family that comes out of the kitchen and busts you, because you are the only person around that orders pesto sauce to dip your garlic cheese bread.) I have seen many staff come and go, but they must know that they have a good thing going, because even the new people are just as nice as the old timers.

Mira Mesa – it ain’t a restaurant. It’s a part of San Diego where I stoped counting the number of fast food locations at 66. (They might be to 100 by now.) If it ain’t in Mira Mesa, it ain’t been opened yet.

Corvette diner – a 50’s diner that offers the Rory burger; a burger with peanut butter and bacon on it. Sure, I first ordered it for the shock value (and I got it), but now it’s the only thing I get when I go there.

Shakespeare’s Pub – an English pub where I recently discovered that their curry gravy goes better on their chips as well as their fish. Mmmmm... more gravy. “WAITRESS! I NEED A STRAW!” Last time I was there, I think I had five converts to curry gravy.

Ok, there’s more.
…
Hold on! I’m thinking!

Binge Drinking

2005-11-17T18:12:00.000-08:00

Binge Drinking

Technically, when you binge drink, you lose weight.

Did you know that the body will allow only a limited amount of caloric intake at one time? So, if you’re going to drink, it would be better for you to drink as much as possible. After the first few, the rest don’t count. They flush right through you. (Or, is that, bounce back out of you?)

When you binge drink, you lose weight… technically.

Apology To My Trainers

2005-11-16T21:12:00.000-08:00

I’m sorry.

This is a letter of apology to my trainers at FitCamp, Jason and Randy.

I am sorry for running away… far away, until I am out of sight, and not coming back until I stop panting like a dog.
I am sorry for lying on the ground, and flapping my arms so I appear to be working on my abs, but really, I am working on your nerves.
I am sorry for using a medicine ball as a pillow when the objective is to lift the shoulders to work the abs.
I am sorry for using my mass to cut-off your six year old while we are racing across the field.
I am also sorry for calling Randy’s daughters back to me to ask what they are doing, so I can run past them while they are caught off guard.
I am sorry that my squat lunges turn into more of a wedding march across the field.
I am sorry for the sweat stains that I left in the grass.
I am sorry that we do not run closer to the soccer moms.
I am sorry that I am mean to teacher’s pet.
I am sorry that Tacos El Gordo is located closer to Mexico than where we hold FitCamp.
I am sorry for inventing a fake run that is really not much more than hyper-walking with a contorted face.
I am sorry when I influence the other children at FitCamp to behave badly.
I am sorry for arriving early, so I have to drag so much of the equipment across the field.
I am sorry that I do not have Steve’s metabolism.
I am sorry when I have to do more exercises if the nurses are late returning from their run, because of magic nurse yapping.
I apologize in advance for anyone I come close to hitting with a medicine ball because hurling that thing might be my only skill on that field.

What I am not sorry for is feeling totally whipped for several hours after my workout, because as long as I am feeling that, none of the above is cheating. It is succeeding, because I am making it to the end of the workout. It is succeeding, because the following week, I go back.

Trust Me On This Sherbert Thing, Just This One Time

2005-11-15T22:11:00.000-08:00

Normally, my opinion on desserts is the more chocolate the better. Chocolate body, chocolate chunks, chocolate swirl, chocolate fudge tunnel with chocolate sauce added to taste. (Those of you more familiar with me, add inside joke(s) here.)

So, when I tell you about this relatively healthy dessert AND tell you that it is one of the best desserts that I have ever had, you just gotta trust me on this.

Orange sherbert with dark chocolate chips.

I know, sherbert is gyp-food, like a plain donut. If it's the last donut in the box, you'll eat it, but only because it is donut-like enough to remind you of an actual donut. The only reason I tried it is because of a recent wave of 50/50 bar concoctions on the market. (Slurpees, ice cream, shakes, etc.) I thought if orange and vanilla would work, orange and chocolate would as well. I thought it would be similar to that ball of chocolate shaped like an orange that you get to use to bash in your kitchen counter, or your video game when the computer obviously cheats. I have to tell you, it is even better than that ball of chocolate. The best part is that not only is it three grams of fat per serving, it is naturally low in fat. That means, they did not have to take a great food, and make it suck to be healthy. They, in fact, took a suck food, and made it great and kept it healthy.

I would tell you which major ice cream company makes it, but not until I get my check.

Dead bug! Dead bug!

2005-11-14T22:01:00.000-08:00

Body Shape Update

2005-11-11T22:56:00.000-08:00

When you exit the world of grotesquely out-of-shape and enter the world of the dismally out-of-shape, you undergo some mental and physical changes. Before changing my regiment, I imagined that there would come a point where I would start feeling better; when it would take me longer to feel tired, and the time I felt absolutely beat up would grow shorter. I am here to report that while the absolutely-beat-up period has been shortening, the immediately-tired stage comes just as immediate, but is taking up some of the beat-up’s time. Sure, I’ll take it, but I was looking forward to … less miserable time. Sure, the first time I went to FitCamp, my legs were not fully functional for four days. Now, I’m just whipped for two. While I am at camp, I feel stronger throughout the camp. My recovery time is shortening, so I do still have times when I pant uncontrollably like a dog, it does not signal the end of my running. (I think I walked most of the workout after the ten-minute mark the first week, the thirty-minute mark the second.)

There are also some hidden strengths that are coming out. At FitCamp, we do a number of workouts with the medicine ball. I have discovered that I have a cycloptic-like ability to hurl these boulders backward over my head. Twice as far as the second farthest thrower. This translates into my squatting less. When you weigh 310 pounds, it is all about the not-squatting. In addition, it seems that I can slam a medicine ball into the earth with such force that it bounces back into my waiting hands. If you remember what we just discussed, that translates, once again, into MORE NOT-SQUATTING. WOOHOO! The last time I was at FitCamp, near the end of a grueling “stations” workout, one of our tasks was to walk on our hands and toes, placing each hand in a space between rungs of a ladder. It was our last exercise, so by all rights, I should have not been able to hold myself up. Just the opposite happened. It was like a break for me. After performing miserably at every other event, I just busted it out like I was walking around on two feet.

I now find myself excited about where my body is going. One of the trainers told me that he was starting to notice a horseshoe shape in my triceps, which he should have, since I recently switch from doing dips on a helper-machine to doing dips on two bars. My coordination is improving, and the effort to maneuver my body has been reducing, thanks to my abdominal (core) workouts at FitCamp and Pilates. Your center seems to control the actions and the transitions from these actions to other actions throughout your body. Strengthening the core lets the rest of the body do less work by not making it overcompensate. I can also flex and crack my back. (Ewwww.) Still, when you drive for a living, it is a handy talent to have.

You go through some mental changes as well. All of these have been made as a direct effect of FitCamp. I believe that there are two reasons for the changes in my way of thinking. One, the immense effort I put in, and the ass beating I take home. There is NO way I am going to do this and feel THAT bad every week. There is NO way that I am going to go back every week and look THAT bad every week. In general, when I decided to start training, I understood that I was only competing with myself. Still, my ego can only take so much. Eventually, I am going to stop being the guy that makes every once else feel okay about themselves. (Unless I get paid.)

This is motivation for me to make sure I get to the gym, because what I do there during the week supports what I do at FitCamp, and vice versa. I do more cardio during the week; my logic is that I can hurt all at once on Saturday, or make hurt payments a portion a day, several days during the week. I also make healthier choices. I did not boycott bad eating all at once. I just seem to postpone junk food. Buffets are completely cut out. More often, it’s a sandwich over a burrito. Wheat pasta for regular. Stocking the house with food good for you, etc, etc. I have not quit eating junk food (CAUSE I AIN’T NO QUITTER, MAN). I just seem to postpone the times when I want a donut, or a burrito, or chips. The times in between junk food allowances just seems to be growing longer naturally. (My time between cocktails? Their mixing time, thank you.) You just start to think, “You’re doing so well. Let’s wait until tomorrow for hot Cheetos.” Sometimes, you forget by that time.

Tomorrow is another workout. This was meant to be a short entry.

MTVs Made

2005-11-07T22:19:00.000-08:00

MTV’s Made ™

I know. None of you watch MTV. At least, nobody in my age “demographic” does. (You “age out” of MTV’s demographic at 34. At 34, you are not necessarily ready to “age out” of things.) They all but stopped playing music videos long ago, opting out for inexpensive, reality television. (MTV2 will play your videos for you, but you have to pay for that service. Didn’t they learn from that mistake the first time?) Besides, they… (WHAT WAS I GOING TO SAY BEFORE I ANSWERED THE DAMN PHONE?)

I, for one, would never be someone to try and sell you on MTV as a whole. For the most part, it is Tn’A fluff, and therefore could only sell parts of the network to parts of my inner circle (not forgetting to kill the witness’). On the other hand, good is good and bad is bad. Something good should not be judged or punished just because it landed on the wrong channel. By giving good shows good ratings, it sends a message that quality can sell. That is my goal in this blog; to convince you that MTV’s Made ™ is worth watching.

What Made ™ does is take someone of high school age, and in four to six weeks, help that person achieve a goal that a) they never could have on their own and b) is so far out of their personal comfort zone, that the goal is usually something opposite of the activities they had done up to that point in their lives. The students that participate in this transformation are required to treat it as any extra-curricular activity, so it cannot interfere with their current studies or other extra-curricular activities. They get a trainer called a “Made Coach” to whom they report to and with whom they cooperate. Generally, the challenge for the coach is that they have to make up for a decade of training in six weeks. At the end of the show, there usually is a competition for the student to use his new-found talent in, as well as to measure how far he or she has come. What I like about the show is that whether they win or lose places very low on the list compared to the other life-lessons Made highlights.

The Social Aspect – Social expertise is one of the common themes that run through all of the episodes. A symptom of someone wanting to break out and be something else is that they want to be noticed or known, but do not have the social skills to go out and find the attention in of itself. Almost every episode has some sort of training that strengthens the child’s skills. Usually, this covers going out, meeting new people, starting and maintaining a conversation. All activities that can be very challenging to someone that feels like they are on the outside. Seeing this personal transformation occur is nice, but seeing its value in relation to general success being emphasized is what I really like about the show. With a little practice, I think every subject came out of their shell, and with the fear of the unknown out of the way, realized that it was not the big deal they thought it was. This may sound basic to adults, but I can remember wanting more as a teenager, but also thinking that I did not have to “get along” to get anywhere.

Working Toward A Goal – I say this with an emphasis on “work.” There are many stories of these kids winning their competition or making the teams that they have worked so hard to join. Others do not reach the goal they initially intended. Regardless, another aspect of this show that keeps bringing me back is all of the important personal developments they take away from them that they will use for the rest of their lives. The idea that the success or failure does not come from whether or not they won or lost, but the sincerity of their effort. Sometimes, participants become overwhelmed. Sometimes, they break down. The idea is that it is okay to have your breakdown moment. You take some time; get it out of your system, and then you get your head back in the game. I cannot remember how many things I did not try because I was not instantly an expert at them over my lifetime. You might have a talent that you are not aware of, and it is just waiting just on the other side of a hill that you are unwilling or have been told that you cannot climb, because it “just not you.” It is good to see that good things do not come easy to others besides myself, but that is what makes them worth so much more once you achieve them. Also, once you gain a skill, it is not something that you have borrowed. It is something that is your own to use as you see fit.

Breaking out of Your Assigned Role In Life -- I feel that when people are growing up, they are regarded as being one way, and so they get filed into a rut of everything they do revolving around that rut. Some examples are the cheerleader that only cheers and shops, the football player that only goes to football practice and hangs out with his teammates, the metal head that only has a few friends and is only looking for negative attention. I personally grew up playing the tuba, so when I went looking for a creative outlet, it would usually be the next concert band in which to play. It was not until college that I even tried creative writing and only until a few years ago that I tried improvisational comedy. Made ™ has had the cheerleader that wanted to become the BMX biker, the football player that wanted to be an opera singer among many others. Another symptom of wanting to do something radically different is that there is something inside a person that cannot get out because they are being told, “Doing that is not ‘you,’ this other thing is you. You’ve done this all your life. Just stick to what you know.” I like the idea of people being deep, complex characters as opposed to caricatures that are there to decorate somebody else’s life.

The True Victory You Will Take Everywhere -- Even though they might not succeed at what they initially attempt, they succeed in realizing that if they want something, they can work at it, and do whatever they want in life. Life offers more choices than the category in which you are placed so early in life. If you are willing to leave your comfort zone, and strong enough to be off balance for a while, you can be almost anything.

I guess what I like about the show is that it demonstrates the strength of faith, hope, and determination; three things of which that I have just about ran out. Made demonstrates not only that there are talents out there for everybody, but hidden talents that must be dug for to be unearthed.

Now, I must go to the gym, and practice doing pull-ups.

Intro To My Links

2005-11-05T14:33:00.000-08:00

One of the reasons that I do not write a calories counting blog is that it is already being done, and better than I would have done it. As you can see on my friend’s blog (linked to the left) he talks about his weight, his intake, his pitfalls and his recoveries. He also includes useful and interesting links to the topics he references (Biggest Loser, Fast Food Nation, a pro-fast food test being done, health food stores, ect) He also talks about distractions that keep himself, and the general public in chairs and off of their feet. The interesting thing about Stephen is that he needs MUCH more food than normal people, due to his incredibly high metabolism. For example: he eats right before AND right after FitCamp. I have some coffee beforehand, and that’s it. Can you imagine dieting from Stephen’s point of view? It isn’t like he can look at the next person, and judge based upon what they eat. He has to come up with his own scale, and it has to satisfy both a furnace of a metabolism, but at the same time, not lose track and go overboard. Anyway, make sure you check out Stephen’s case of More v. Less. (Could one of you point out that going to anyplace with the word “Gordo” (Spanish for “fat.”) in it will only bring you trouble?

My version of dieting is trying to trick my appetite. I have learned that a high-protein diet will do this. Fats make you crave more fat, sugars make you crave more sugar. (Which is why in “Super Size Me,” only his McDonald’s meal would pull him out of his lethargic state. He was literally becoming addicted to crap.) Lately, I’ve taken to setting out a bowl of raw spinach and munching them like chips. A great source of iron, and you don’t get tired of chewing it like you would raw carrots or broccoli. My only problem is that if I get hungry, my blood-sugar drops, and all I want to do is fight. Huge mood swings are not good when you work with children. “YOU WANNA WHAT? WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT ‘I WANNA’? HUH? WELL, I WANNA….” *ahem*

Also, make sure you check out Bread and Roses. This another one of my friend’s blogs that he uses to keep his writing chops up. I believe that he is currently shopping around four books. The blog is where he goes to write short pieces of fiction or social commentary. He has been blogging for a few years now, so if you find that you like his stuff, he could keep you busy for probably a month. At this point, he has regulars that will drop him a line if he has gone too long without and update. He has been a close friend of mine since I was sixteen years old, so he has seen all of my changes and development. (Note to self: not ALL of the witness’ were handled. On the way home, pick up eggs, dispose of witness’.)

He also has a blog about music. Let me tell you, I know music, and this man laid my foundation (which sounds painful, but really is just a metaphor). When I first met him, he owned 2000 albums. Now, he owns so many CDs, it is easier to count them as two walls of CDs as opposed to getting an actual number. I remember when I first started really getting into music. When I heard a song on the radio, I would practice singing the chorus, and then perform it for him. He would then tell me the name of the song and the group. I know not every song made from car to visit in my memory intact, so he really showed his chops on some of those.

That’s about is. Just something to pique your interest in my friend’s blogs.

Enjoy,

VAM

I am the one in front.

2005-11-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

Newsflash 1

2005-11-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

This just in...

The fudge tunnel in ice cream not only is calorie free, but contains amino acids important for general health.

All other fudge tunnels located outside of your half-gallon of ice cream should still be avoided as much as possible.

Eight Pound Workout (tm)

2005-10-31T21:03:00.000-08:00

I have been developing this new workout. All you need is an eight pound weight, and you are ready to begin. You do not even need time to do this workout, because it is incorporated into your day. The key is that you just go about your business, and carry this eight pound weight with you.

Luckily, CostCo sells eight pound weights. They come in the form of buckets of cookie dough. I think the extra chocolate chips are what give the buckets their heft. Wherever you go, you take your bucket with you. The cookie dough is its own timer. When it is time for you to take a break, the dough will let you know by needing some refrigeration. (This can be determined by feeling the side to test the temperature, or squeezing the dough. I prefer squeezing the dough.)

While the Eight Pound Workout ™ is great for adding size to your muscles, some of us want tone and definition. Everybody knows that you get tone and definition by doing light weights and many reps. You will need a second tool for this. A silver spoon works best. I use an oversized silver spoon, because I am a larger person. Instead of lifting the entire tub, you lift spoonfuls of dough repeatedly. You can do this while you are talking on the phone, downloading files at the computer, or going through the drive-thru.

Follow this routine well into the holidays, and you will soon have the physique that will keep you warm. For variety, you can try cookie dough with walnuts.

Oh, and you will probably want to buy two buckets, so you do not have to turn around in front of your house to make another run to CostCo.

The dough will let you know.

What I Will Not Write About (For The Most Part)

2005-10-30T13:49:00.000-08:00

Days into this, and Blogger has already given me computer toys to collect my computer’s pictures, (adjust and alter them as well), send pictures to my blog, and blog from Microsoft Word. I really did not need another distraction from my life.

So, onto another distraction in my life.

One thing I do not think I am going to do is talk about the good foods I eat in my life. Despite movie stereotypes, overweight people are not always shoving food into their face, and it is not always the worst food we can find. For the most part, we eat pretty sensible. It takes very little to keep the weight on, so we do. Mostly, through sedentary lifestyles, as well as taking in more calories than we use, we have lowered our metabolisms to the point where we store fat instead of burning it. In fact, our bodies will protect its fat stores by telling us that we are hungry even though we are not. Most people quit their diets after two weeks, because that is when our brains panic, and start sabotaging our diets.

Besides, fat is flavor.

If you are eating something that is fat free but tastes really good, you have probably been tricked with carbohydrates and sugars. Which make you crave… more carbohydrates and sugar? (This is why I quit eating cereal in the morning. I found myself wanting lunch about two hours later.) Proteins satisfy hunger. I am not saying that you should not have a balanced diet, but breads and starches are too available to us. Sugar is too available to us. Fat is too available to us. More on this later.

What I really want to say is that I do not think anybody wants to read what I eat everyday. I can just follow the wrappers from the kitchen to the front of my television an computer for that. What I do want to write about is the crap I eat, and why I eat it, because I would sure like to know. Also, once I post it, it is like a confession. It makes it real.

Running In Public

2005-10-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

I really wish I started this blog when I started FitCamp. (www.outdoorfitnesscamps.com/)

Let me tell you, when you go outside to run, you really make a decision that a) I have no dignity and b) I have no dignity. Okay, maybe that is a little melodramatic. I would me more accurate to say that you cannot have any issues with ego. You can only compete with yourself (which unfortunately explains my current sexlife). You have to be okay with your endurance moving closer to zero/being less inadequate. You have to be willing to take a beating one day a week, so not only the other six days of your week are better, but by not skipping a Saturday, you are not paying in triplicate two Saturdays away.

I am trying to think what I can tell you to catch you up to speed. I will first give you a run down of my training leading up to camp. I am 6'1", and I weigh 310 lbs. Before you gasp, even the doctor's office guesses at 240. I am a weight lifter, and do not fit any height-to-weight ratio charts. There is a certain pride in that, but one day it occured to me that there is no prize for being the strongest dead guy.

One day at my gym, I was looking over a cardio-class schedule, when someone said, "Are you going to come to spin class"? (cycling class to normal people) You know how people who say they are going to quit smoking always have a date to quit? They always made me think, "If you're going to quit, why not just quit"? So, even though I told that woman that was probably flirting with me and I missed it that I was not going in, at that moment, I felt like a smoker six weeks before New Year's Eve. So, I went and and found the right trainer. After that, I was doing cycling weekly. In that first class, I could only "participate" for about 15 minutes, and just pedal the other 45. (I feel that consistency and duration is more important than burning out. I proved that to myself years ago when I stopped trying to kill myself with weights.) By the fourth week, I was participating with the entire hour.

Since I really liked that instructor, I tried another of her classes, pilates. These are basically exercises for people that grew up dancing; women. This is where I learned to let go of my dignity in preparation for FitCamp. I got in there, and despite the fact that it was for flexibility and muscle development, I was breathing and sweating my ass off. When they said, "four deep, cleansing breaths," I would exchange those for "sixteen, conscious preserving pants." I am still trying to excel in this class, but a lifetime of "not being about that" is showing.

So, you have treadmill, spin class and pilates, on top of weightlifting. Once I got my wind, I thought I was ready to run in public.

No.

Very much... no.

I was only in good enough shape to actually start getting in shape.

That first week, it took me four days to not need the railing to walk down stairs, to not have to drop into seats (like toilet seats). Only then did I realize how out-of-shape I was. That, as bad of shape that I was in during high school, I would have to work for quite some time before I even got into that good of shape again.

You know, I talked with one of the trainers for two months before going. You see, people that are in shape do not understand people that are not. The best way I can describe it is like breathing inside a plastic bag with a pencil-sized hole in it. That first time, I lasted about ten minutes before everything became a walking exercise. Even then, the slightest exersion would make me pant like a dog, uncontrolably. Even I was amazed. We ran stadium stairs, threw a medicine ball around and ran after it, and brutal exercises. (Note: very smart exercises, because you only need to do them for about 30 seconds before you are gripping the earth, and crying to the sky.)

After that first workout, we all went to breakfast. Everybody was so careful to order the egg-white blah-blah. F THAT. There will be egg, there will be meat, there will be bread and there will be sugar anyday that I put my lungs and legs into traction. I remember very few details of that day except that the waitress had an accent.

So, if any of the ladies can call and talk to me in an accent, I'm sure I could remember enough to finish this blog.

Welcome To The Frustratiosphere.

2005-10-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is not my first blog, but I am hoping that it will be my first regular blog. I tried to use Blogger in the past, but it was in the beta stage, and it WOULD NOT LET ME INTO MY OWN DAMN BLOG.

*ahem*

I am doing this, in part, from inspiration from someone that has a fitness blog. He suggested that several of us start some sort of blogging community. If that is code for talking crap, count me in.

What I would hope from my blogs is a very long list of very full comments pages. I was once told that everybody, no matter how you feel about them, has something to teach you. Readers contributions would add scope and dimension to my... uh, already scopey and dimensiony blog?

So, during the week, I go to 24 Hr. Fitness. On Saturdays, I attend Fitcamp hosted by trainers from www.outdoorfitnesscamps.com/ . They have been trained by Torquemada in torture techniques, and by the Kama Sutra in stretching techniques. And still, I will return next Saturday. What happens on those Saturdays will probably be the meat of my writings, because during the week, I do what I am good at, and what I am bad at makes up FitCamp. (There are several words and phrases that end in the word "camp," and they are good about half the time. They must occur in somebody else's half.)

I think I am writing this, because if you are not a runner, then you cannot understand running from the perspective of someone that is out of shape. If I write this correctly, that will create interest.

Wish me luck. Not my luck, but somebody with a normal person's odds.

Allegedly yours,
Very Anonymous Mike