Quick Food Facts for a Neglected Blog

EGGS -- builds muscle, burns fat.
TURKEY AND LEAN MEATS -- builds muscle, strengthens immune system, holds seasonings. Also, IT'S MEAT.
PEANUT BUTTER -- boosts testosterone, builds muscle, burns fat, spreads on body parts and IT'S ALSO PEANUT BUTTER.
ALMONDS -- builds muscles, reduces cravings, tastes frickin' awesome. Word.
BEANS AND LEGUMES -- builds muscles, helps burn fat, regulates digestion, but has a funky name.
GREEN LEAFY VEGGIES -- neutralizes free radicals ... WTF?
DAIRY OR ITS SUBSTITUTES -- builds strong bones, speeds up weight loss. (also makes you crave food from its sugars and carbs. Be careful on this one)
OATMEAL -- boosts energy, reduces cholesterol, maintains blood sugar
OLIVE OIL -- lowers cholesterol, boosts immune system, makes you EXTRA Italian.
WHOLE GRAINS -- prevents body from storing fat. (We're gonna need a bigger grain. Wait, doesn't beer have "whole grains"?)
EXTRA PROTEIN -- builds muscle, burns fat (In other words, "Does protein stuff.")
BERRIES -- protects heart; improves balance, eyesight and coordination.


From "Sports Nutrition -- A Hardcore Diet" by Ramb0 Samb0. Published in Issue 8, Blood and Thunder

Three Beer Lunches

I forgot about that part of the previous blog. You see, I hit 50 lbs. quickly, and sat there, stuck for a month. What was worse, I was going to the gym up to six times a week, and my damn weight wasn't budging. So, I met a friend downtown for three days, and each day, we went and had beer lunches. Those beers were 20 oz., so they were jumbo pints. These, on top of heavy lunches, should have ruined my good work.

Turns out, my good work was ruining my good work.

Within three days of gaining two pounds, my wrecking ball theory worked again. I reached my goal... the damn day I was going to Vegas.

*bow*

50 Spent

This is the nickname my friend gave me when I told her that I reached my goal.
I think that I am going to linger at this weight for a while.

GOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL..... (or, Three Beer Lunches)

I'm a little overdue for this blog, especially since I have reached my year-end goal of 52 pounds, and five months early. As my world works, I achieved my goal THE GADDAM DAY I WAS LEAVING FOR FIVE DAYS IN VEGAS!

Christ, how fair is that? Anyway, still counts. Turns out, I was not that hungry while in Vegas. I think I had two meals at most, and the rest of the time, packed diet snacks. Also, I have become such a lightweight, that the two CostCo bottles of liquor are hardly touched. The gin is 1/3 of the way down while the vodka might be 1/4. I might have gained two pounds while there. (When I told my friend that I reached my goal, he talked about gaining two pounds. There has not been one day of this diet where I was one weight the entire day. The weights I report are the lowest points of my day, and trust me, as often as I step upon that scale, I have researched it. Heck, my range for most days is seven pounds. I do not think you could tell if you have actually gained weight, or if it is just the day's fluctuation.)

Back to those jumbo liquor bottles. I have found out that their weight and their hand holds are perfect for hand weights in working out your shoulders. Yes, I squat and military these things over and over again. they fit so well over my four fingers, that I do not even need to make a fist. The bottle just hangs over the back of my hand. (My latest series of aerobics weights class have let me know that my shoulders have not come along with the rest of my body. Cosmetically, I think shoulders would be a good thing. Plus, you really want balance. You do not want your body working at one level, and one day, you find some odd chore that makes you cry.)

Unfortunately, the reward for doing a good workout would make less of a workout the next time.

Year-end Goaaaaaaalllllll

We're doing 52 pounds in 52 weeks. I have 5 3/4 months to lose five pounds.

All of you, drive to my house and high-five me RIGHT NOW!

40 Lbs. To Freedom

It has been a while since I have posted. At the point that I am at, I think it is just redundant to post about every little pound. I was down 47 pounds before this 4th of July weekend, so right now, I'm about 43 down. No biggie. I find that pounds gained on cheat weekends are probationary, the same way freshly lost pounds are.

I am so far down, that the clothing I mentioned earlier that I bought for the smaller me is now falling off. People that have not seen me for a while credit my goatee for looking so good, saying, "You didn't have that before, right"? (I did. It just covered another chin.) Also, I say that pounds are probationary, but let me tell you, I was STUCK-STUCK-STUCK at the 40 lb. mark. The problem was that I needed to go two weeks without breaking the diet, and each weekend was a bar night or a meal night. Now, I never pigged out, but I had to go almost pure. I had to explain about 100 times why I could accept whatever, but Saturday night, one light beer. Sunday night, a half a beer. Monday morning, 40 lb. barrier broken.

Now that I am almost a half a century lighter, I find that fitness is easier to start. Last week, because I was finishing my first half of my split shift so early, that I could attend a different class everyday at 8:30 am. Some I'm better at, some worse, but just to keep it switched up, and keep me sweating. Plus, it's something to focus on, besides being the only guy in the class.

The other night, I started my 4th weekend a little early. The happy hour on Thursday was a mile and a half away, so I walked it. Now, that mile and a half is all downhill there, and all uphill back.

I not as thin as I deserve to be.

Sixteen Week Final

Well, look at that last entry. I've been out of it, at least where writing is concerned. My list of excuses are...

1. 45 hours of work per week for over a month now. Sometimes, despite best intentions, it's nap time.
2. Fighting a cold during this work schedule. More naps.
3. Last year, I became an announcer for women's roller derby. We went from one bout a month, with one team that I was familiar with to four bouts a month with four teams I had never met. A lot of the time, I am here, but I am practicing punny names.
4. Computeric wastes of time. I'd be lying if I did not mention these. (I'm not even including the porn.)
5. New car! Okay, talk about a world of homework. I'm writing on my other blog, iwillmissyouwheniamfamous.blogspot.com about the car shopping experience, because I think everybody, like this one, can benefit from the information.
6. Going out. Suddenly, I have two month of social events in which to attend.

So, life happens. I type on.

By the time it was party time, I had lost 28 of the 16 lbs. Near the end, I was shooting for 32 lbs. in 16 weeks, but at the same time, I was ready for a break from the scale. Not from the diet per se, but from the constant checking and obsessing. The day was great. Just before I went to the party, I realized that I had just renewed my driver's license, and the picture was from two weeks before I began. I carried that around the party to show the difference. It was fun getting the "Oh wow's." It was funner carrying around a license to eat and drink my ass off.

Someone made 3 cheese garlic bread, and someone else's extra bbq sauced baked beans on top were the best things there. (Next to MORE BEER.) It was great just not counting.

It took until Wednesday to lose the weight that I gained at that party. Then, I lost a little more, and broke the 30 lb. mark. While 20 lbs. is a good chunk of weight to lose, I LIKE SAYING "THIRTY." After that, I took a couple of weeks off, mostly to finish stuff I had in the freezer like wheat bread and cheese. Even wheat bread prevented me from losing weight. I maintained, and only ate two slices a day. After that, I caught a cold, and so it wasn't until this week until I dipped below thirty.

The new goal is 52 lbs. in 52 weeks. Stay tuned.

Tune Up

At the beginning of last week, I called my friend and said, "I don't know why I haven't lost any weight in three weeks. I'm still eating healthy."
"Tell me what you are eating and how much," she said.

So I did, and when I got to my granola/chocolate whey protein combo, she said, "How much granola are you eating? There's a lot of fat in granola. Are you eating one half cup"?
"Yes," I said, so obviously lying that I meant to get caught.

She asked me about wheat wraps, and I told her that the wheat bread has the exact same amount of fat as the wraps do, but then she says, "Yea, but what about the carbs?" Crap! I forgot about those.

So, after that phone call ended, I got a one-half measuring cup, scooped out some granola, and starred at it. I was picturing how much I actually have, and whispered "Oh... shit..."

It's not like I have an enormous bowl of the stuff, but do you have any idea how little 1/2 cup is? So, I stop eating that, I put the cheese back into the freezer, as well as the wheat bread.

Last week, I lost about six pounds. It seems that while you can eat some stuff to maintain your weight, you cannot eat that food to lose weight. I owe a big thanks to my friend, Anitra for opening my eyes to a needed tune-up to my diet. What worked in January now needed to be updated for my new weight.

I do not know what weight would be good to go clothes shopping, but I promised that I would take Anitra with me. That's fine. Whenever I get compliments on my clothing, it's something that a woman picked out.

Reverse Gut'ology

Okay, just like in Black Jack, if your system isn't working, change it up.

Did you know that M&M's makes a new wild cherry flavor? Man, they're good. I can't eat them like I want to (pouring out of a dump truck), so I have been giving bags away as gifts (to a dump truck operator).

The Wal-mart in New Orleans sells this awesome coffee named after the 24 hour cafe that serves it, Cafe Du Monde. It is THERE and I want it HERE.

THERE!
HERE!

Now, why don't I just order it from the company itself? Well, because Wal-mart sells it for almost half off, and from what their website says "site-to-store" shipping is free. You have something at one store, and someone wants it at another store. Is this new age thinking? So far, Wal-mart online says that they do not "do food." Oh frickin' kay, then why do I see seven different gift baskets ALL WITH COFFEE available for purchase online?

My next move is to try at my local store and see if they know the magic words to get something from THERE!... over to... HERE! So far, customer service has told me to see the food manager, "but he won't be here until tomorrow," and that day, "Oh, he won't be in til' Friday."

It's not going to work. I'm going to end up paying almost double, plus shipping. I had a friend that said he knew someone out there that could just go get it, but suddenly, that conversation "has never existed." (That is for another blog.)

Aww, c'mon.

One pound? ONE FRICKIN' POUND? Crikey, this is getting old. To hell with it. I'm eating this weekend. As much as I'm not eating, not drinking, and not 4th mealin', that damn scale owes me! You know what that one pound was? A bone! A one-pound bone. I don't need a one pound bone. I need a ten-pound bone.


Crikey!