High School Phys. Ed.

Once upon a time, running got you in better shape.
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You ran for a while, and the longer you did it, the better you got at it. You never appreciated it in high school, but when coaches ran you through all sorts of sports, what they were really doing was targeting different sets of muscles, so you would have a balanced physique.
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As I have become older, I have discovered that despite all of my working out (before attending a fit camp), there are all sorts of muscles that are overlooked when you design your own workout in the gym. Even when I added cycling class, treadmill, and back exercises, there are still numerous muscles that are overlooked. This is why you need a three-dimensional workout.
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A three-dimensional workout is one that works all of parts of the body evenly. These are usually attained by doing actual sports. In the process of doing actual activity as opposed to activity simulated with wheels and pulleys in the gym, you get the smaller muscle groups used in stopping, starting, changing direction and hiding behind smaller objects, like soccer moms. (I become ninja when it comes to blending into the background across a field I have just been assigned to run around.)
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Not too long ago, I began doing some extra work for a friend of mine. When I told him that I could not make it until the afternoon, he said, “Why? You say in your blog that all you do is cheat.” No, no, no. What I do is “hedge” so I can get through the damn thing. Trust me; I get the crap beaten out of me. I’m getting the hardest work out there, because I’m working the hardest to move my mAss. I’m a weightlifter doing a runner’s workout. I cheat, but I do not cheat myself. And, if I start feeling comfortable, I adjust my cheating so that I am no longer comfortable. I cannot eat, or even drink much when I do this workout. Not unless I want to waste a gin and tonic on watering the field.
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Once upon a time, running got you in better shape. It hurt at first, but eventually, you got better at it. Now, I am stronger, more coordinated, but I am not a better runner. I am a less-worse runner. It is difficult to go out there and relive… certain times dragging behind. Then again, considering my build, that might be my “good.” I get to only come in “a little last.” Then again, anything involving a medicine ball, I am in the game! I toss that sucker like an angry Cyclops.
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Maybe we should consider a change? Something with some actual professional application. The Cage Dancer’s Workout?  Alcohol endurance? Tacos-Tacos-Tacos?
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I am going to keep going. I just do not foresee myself feeling that “runner’s high” anytime soon.

“Hello? Soccer Mom? No, no. I know your name isn’t ‘Soccer Mom.’ Can I talk with you for a second?”